duress code.

"Good Morning After All"


Yeah you give up some days
When the tears they must flow
But God is always your strength

The only strength that you know
Now everything starts to fall in place

As you wake just to crawl
Still you say good morning after all
Yeah you stand just to fall
Still you say good morning after all

Yeah you questioned this life
Sure you wondered about love
But you swear there's always hope
Always hope from above
Now everything starts to fall into place

It's just another breath
It's just another breath you say
It's just another step
It's just another step today


my duress code.
I'm GREAT!!!

:D



("All my family said that was not the ? we knew. It was the first time we saw him speaking in full sentences.”)

no.

it was only the first time he screamed so hard
you had no choice but to hear.

i'm sorry.

but that one is up on your collective neck, humanity.

no matter.

i'm glad i could keep my eyes dry.
i'm glad i could keep laughing while your mom, spent 10 minutes looking for her cell, frantically.
(you were talking on it.).
while she lookied for it, again and again, in the next few hours, finding it, misplacing it again.


i'm glad i could say you're going to be just cool sunday, when your friend was standing there, tears welling in her eyes. (although when i hugged her, and joked about how she seems like she needs a hug, my heart breaking within me, i probably needed that hug more than even she did.
i could see just how much she adores and loves you. i knew i was not alone in my fear and pain.)

i'm glad i didn't break down untill i was safely away, saying again and again, on the phone, where i am, getting the name of the street wrong every time, while they were trying to find me, explaining there's no way i'm where i'm saying i am.



didn't you know?

i couldn't care less.

i just wanted to walk home, untill my body breaks and bleeds and fails and screams and hurts.

nothing matters.



i never told you.
(i call you "brother" when i think of you.)



you hugged me, before i left.
so close.

like brothers.

like friends.

understanding lashing between us, like storms of dreams and sand.




my dearest.

i listen to your music.

time and time again.




silent prayers, wishes and tears screaming through the still cood air overhead.
i am afraid.

of losing you.

of seeing you suffer through years ahead.

of this awareness, that one day you WILL be gone from my life, never to return.



my brother.
my dearest.


i wish you knew just how much i love you.



i have told you this in the past. always will.

no matter what happens.

truly.

...