life is weird.

Sometimes i wonder about distance, and what it means, really.

the relationship between physical miles, and distances of hearts and minds.
can true friendship exist without any physical manifestation, or are we so rooted to our bodies, that only the physical contact is the one that truly counts?

i think the former is correct.

One of my best friends is recovering from a heart-attack, somewhere in the USA.
I am not worried and afraid even, just... empty, thinking of it.
i don't believe it has truly dawned on me, yet, just how close i was to losing him.

i have never met him in person.
i never gave him a hug, or even a handshake.
but for so many nights and days and weeks, without asking for anything in return, he was there for me.

i wake up at 5 am, when everyone is still asleep.
and when i close my laptop, and go to uni, no one is there to say good morning, have a nice day, simply because it is too early for someone to be awake at the time.

but since i knew him, more mornings than not, i'll awake to see this tiny message on my screen.

have a nice day, shade.
good morning!!!

and i'll smile, and my whole day will be coloured in a different, more positive light.

do we even want that much?

for several weeks now, life was so hard for him.
i was, if not the only, than one of the only people to show him friendship, simple human sympathy, and just.. someone to listen, i guess.

and now i'm wondering, how come.

he is a true friend, to me, and to anyone that would give him half a chance, one of the kindest, outgoing, help-everyone-i-can, never giving up, optimistic, loving people i know, loyal, trustworthy, generous, intelligent and smart.

so.. what is it, that we actually want, if this is not enough?


what does it say about us, that the biggest hearts i know are broken all alone, and making not a sound.