on trust and failure.

i seem to find better and better reasons not to sleep.

i spent most of the night trying to convince someone that his life if worth living, that some people are still worth trusting, and that the fact that he was hurt, (very) badly in the past, is no reason to give up on his future.

i am so tired and discouraged now, and while of course is no reason to "take it out" on anyone, (and it is indeed not my intention) i just want to put my two meager cents in.

you see, when you say that life is not worth living, that men/women/(insert tag here) are (insert quantifier/classification/insult here), you are creating a self-fulfilling prophesy, of sorts.

see, there is no such a thing as "people in general". there are no "men", "women", "gays", "straights".

there are only individual personalities.

if someone sees the persons around them as a whole unit, or even as a segmented group, they will never find anyone trustworthy indeed.

and well, how could they? they are so sure noone is worth their trust, because he is a man/a woman/married/happy/gay/straight/too young/too old/,____ that they never even notice it when someone is doing every possible thing to help.

trust is not earned. it is given. freely.
if it is broken, as it will, undoubtedly happen from time to time - it is revoked.
hearts are broken. and are healed with time.
to be given away again, freely.

that's it.

and no.

there is no way to go through this world experiencing only pleasure, or only pain.
there is a measure of both pleasure and pain in store for each of us, never fair, or equal.
sometimes it breaks my heart, to see how unfairly it is distributed around the world.

but still, they are both there.

pain to teach us lessons, and pleasure to keep us learning them.



we get our hearts broken, our lives ruined, our loved ones become lost to us.

just to learn again, the unrivaled pleasure of finding new friends. falling in love. building a home.

we have all been hurt, terribly, sometimes.
but it does not do, to judge the future by the pain of things past.
if you were hurt before - yes. it might happen again.
it might be even worse.

BUT IF YOU DO NOT TRY AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE - IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER.

it is YOUR CHOICE.
to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and give yourself, and this life, another chance, or quietly slip into the oh so welcoming despair.

i am tired and hurt tonight.

i cannot seem to make anyone understand, that does not understand already.

how horrible it feels, to know a cure to so much pain,

and having given it freely,

stand amongst a crowd of people crying for what they trample at their feet.



i believe, that if you are a fighter, and do not give up, you will always find like-minded people, comrades and friends, to help with anything they can.

and my belief, as yours, is/was/and will be, broken many times.

yes, sometimes you will fall so deep, that you will require help to get back upon your feet.

but don't refuse this help because of the classification of the person giving it, or due to past experience and pain.

no day is quite like it's predecessor. no one person is the same as any one other.



peace,
shade.